- Some will watch through red-state colored glasses with the raw thrill and rabid lust typically released by Charter Communications’ startling extensive on-demand porn portal.
- Still others will gaze intently through blue-hued shades, desperate for the game-ending gaffe, the final, unquestionably disqualifying racist insult, and the certain-to-alienate rage; praying for and preying on the candidate’s capacity for going off- teleprompter and free-lancing rogue self-destructive comments. Sure, there will be entertaining squabbles among democrats about whether they should stoop to dignify Trump’s speech, but curiosity will prevail.
- Some people will watch for the same essential reason “Why Planes Crash” is regular fare on CNN: news programming is a more respectable way to watch bloodshed, destruction, and carnage than being caught with a Netflix rental of Rambo First Blood Part Six. Count on the networks to post field cams that will race toward the slightest whiff of a combustible encounter between the Trump loyalists and the protesters who are certain to flock to Quicken Loans Arena.
- Some people will tune in because ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, and the 24 channels that focus solely on news will all be promoting this one hour of tv time as if Jesus of Nazareth himself were a contestant on The Apprentice. Live programming is the last bastion of television profitability in a time-shifted, DVR-ed, Hulu-ed, Amazon Primed, and Netflixed world. Live politics has suddenly become huge money in the news-tainment business, so expect CNN and its rivals to flog this harder and longer than a missing Malaysian Airlines 757. (This also explains how you attain a Super Bowl audience, which is only carried on one network, not 28).
- Finally and most significantly, many people who have been blissfully oblivious to the Presidential race thus far will have sudden pangs of FOMO-hobia (that’s Fear Of Missing Out, you Instagram slacker!). That night they’ll be multitasking on tv and iPhone knowing Trump will be the biggest topic at the social media e-water cooler since Emily Maynard’s sexting scandal on The Bachelorette Season Eight.
- Trump is going to “crush” ISIS,
- Our immigration policies allow waves of Syrians to enter the United States unimpeded,
- Bill and “Crooked Hillary” milked the state department for personal enrichment -- and now Trump will add a litany of FBI Director James Comey’s greatest hits to his Clinton rant.
- How “easy” it will be to change trade policy with China so that all those manufacturing jobs will return to the U.S.
Then there are always the two show stoppers; the Trump equivalent of Billy Joel closing with “Piano Man” or Bruce laying down “Born to Run.” Trump actually relishes it when a protestor appears – indeed, he looks intently to find one -- as it gives him the opportunity to be the bully-in-chief, angrily egging the crowd as he barks to security to “get him out of here!” Finally, Trump goes for the sure-fire slam dunk: “we’re going to build the wall, and it’s going to be a bee-yoo-ti-ful wall – and who’s going to pay for it?” In unison, the audience screams out “Mexico!!” with the gusto usually reserved for singing “Don’t Stop Believing” at a 25th high school reunion.