Swing State Pres

Political/Election Song Archive

"Sequester" (March 5, 2013)
To the tune of Cheap Trick's "Surrender"...

Boehner told me, yes he told me, “We must cut the debt”
Bernanke told me, “Stay away, a stall’s about all you’ll get”
Well I had thought Republicans were crazy ‘bout defense
Guess not enough to force some common sense

Boehner’s not right, Cantor’s not right
They both seem a little weird
Sequester, sequester, the sane folks have gone away, ay, aaaaaaay

Krugman says that Keynes is right, you spend when times are worse
Austerity adds to your pain, the Brits’ down-spiraling curse
The GOP just cannot see that Europe’s on their plan
And once caused the “lost decade” in Japan

Boehner’s not right, Cantor’s not right
They both seem a little weird
Sequester, sequester, the sane folks have gone away, ay, aaaaaaay

Whatever happened to all good reason; losers on the Hill
Now Obama’s stopped the blinking, they can’t pass a bill
Now Gallup shows Americans prefer Obama’s way
But gerrymandered districts have more sway

Boehner’s not right, Cantor’s not right
They both seem a little weird
Sequester, sequester, the sane folks have gone away, ay, aaaaaaay

Awaaaaaaay.
Awaaaaaaay.

Sequester, sequester, the sane folks have gone away
(Boehner’s not right, Cantor’s not right)
Sequester, sequester, the sane folks have gone away
(Boehner’s not right, Cantor’s not right)
Sequester, sequester the sane folks have gone away
(Boehner’s not right, Cantor's not right)
Sequester, sequester, the sane folks have gone away
(Boehner’s not right, Cantor’s not right)
(Barry's alright, Harry's alright, Nancy's alright, Lew's alright)
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away.
(We’re all alright, we’re all alright, we’re all alright, we’re all alright!!!)
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away.
(Boehner’s not right, Cantor’s not right)
{Fade...}


Scott Brown:  "Bad Bad Scotty Brown" (February 6, 2013)
To the tune of Jim Croce's big hit, "Bad Bad Leroy Brown"...

Well the red side of the Bay State
Is the smallest part of town
But if you go down there
You better just beware of a man named Scotty Brown

Now Scotty's got good approval ratings
You see he’s up about fifty-four
And the Chicago boys fear he just might pull a double
And grab that special seat once more

Cause he’s bad bad Scotty Brown
He turned the Bay State upside down
Handsomer than JFK
And waitin’ for another day

He’s got an old GMC Canyon
He’s got a spread inside Cosmo
He used to drain long jumpers
For that old Tufts varsity, for their elephant Jumbo

Now Scotty, he whipped Coakley
He’s no non-telegenic hack
He smashed Harry Reid’s superduper majority
And brought the filibuster back

Cause he’s bad bad Scotty Brown
He turned the Bay State upside down
Handsomer than JFK
And waitin’ for another day

But he lost to Lizzy Warren
She had the brand and she had the bucks
But when the GOP got rid of Susan Rice
You thought old Scotty’s back in luck

So the GOP went knocking
They said it’s yours again, Scott, our dream
And when you win again this coming June
You get to run again in ‘14

And then Scotty got to thinking
His mind a-closin’ like a steel trap
“I got a bright old future, maybe in the Statehouse
Why do I need that Senate crap?”

Cause he’s bad bad Scotty Brown
He turned the Bay State upside down
Handsomer than JFK
And waitin’ for another day
Handsomer than JFK (oh lawd)
Still waitin’ for another day….

"Fiscal Cliff Persuasion" (December 3, 2012)
To the tune of Tommy James and the Shondells’ classic “Crystal Blue Persuasion"

Look over yonder
Crunch time for our nation…
Tax breaks expiring
And sequestration….

But a new day is coming (ooo ooo)
Repubs are a’ changing
Nordquist’s a’ runnin’ (ooo ooo)
Fiscal cliff persuasion

Better get ready
For gives from the right
Revenue is the answer (ooo ooo)
And that’s all right

So don't you give up now (ooh ooh)
So easy to find
Raise rates and close loopholes
Just open your mind

Fiscal cliff persuasion (mmm, mmm)
It’s ne-go-ti-a-tion
Fiscal cliff persuasion
Fiscal cliff persuasion

Maybe tomorrow
Our budget will balance
Far less to borrow
Entitlements less like France

They’ll be…
Strong defense
A wide safety net
Fiscal cliff persuasion, yeah
Fiscal cliff persuasion, aha
Fiscal cliff persuasion, aha
Fiscal cliff persuasion, aha

"Four AM in Ohio" (November 6, 2012)

To the tune of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young’s “Ohio.”

Obama or Romney coming
We’re finally gonna know
Get set for some late night summing
Four AM in Ohio

Gotta countdown to it
Phone banks are tracking us down
Sick of it long long ago
What if we watch it and
It’s a dead heat all around?
Time for the Jim Baker show?

Gotta countdown to it
Swing states will finally ground
Lawyers line up, recounts grow
What if Wolf calls it and
Then they switch it around?
How can you sleep if you don’t know?

Obama or Romney coming
We’re finally gonna know
Get set for some late night summing
Four AM in Ohio
Four AM in Ohio
Four AM in Ohio
(How many more?)
Four AM in Ohio
(Five?)
Four AM in Ohio
(Six?)
Four AM in Ohio
(Chadds?)
Four AM in Ohio
(The Courts?)
Four AM in Ohio

Barack Obama:  "I Am Barack, I Need Ohio" (October 30, 2012)

To the tune of Simon & Garfunkle’s “I Am a Rock (I Am An Island)”

Election Day
The first Tuesday in November
I am ahead
Gazing at my spreadsheet, two columns and a row
I can tell my lead is thin over my foe
I am Barack
I need Ohiiiiiii-o

My team calls
Raised money by the billions
To keep up with Mitt’s Super PACs
I got turned down by Wall Street; Wall Street’s such a pain
I can’t outspend Mitt Romney like McCain
I am Barack
I need Ohiiiiiii-o

Don’t talk of Florida
Oh I won that state before
But winning there’s just a memory
I’ll carry Colorado -- and Nevada, too
But to make two-hundred seventy come true
I am Barack
I need Ohiiiiiii-o

I have my Ax
And Messina to protect me
I am wielding all my power
Fighting against gloom, so one-term ain’t my doom
I (now) punch Romney when he punches me
I am Barack
I need Ohiiiiiii-o

I’m Barack and I’m game…
And Ohio is the prize

Mitt Romney:  "Binders of Girls" (October 18, 2012)
To the tune of Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl."


Hey, where do we go?
Need gals on our team
Just preppy guys here
We’re male to the extreme

Bondin’ and high fivin’, hey hey
Governin’ and stumpin’
In the Bay State capital
With our, our chests a-thumpin’…

We need….we need some girls.
We ne-eed….binders of girls.

And whatever happened to...
All-male government teams
Change caught me nappin’
Back in the sixties…

Standin’ in the hallway gawkin’
Watch ‘em bustlin’ to and fro
“Get me some coffee, dear”
I guess that’s gotta go…when we…

Get binders of girls…
We ne-eed….binders of girls.

Do you remember when
We used to sing?
We’re all men, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, la te da
Just like that
We’re all men, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, la te da
La te da

So hard to find my way
Now I’m the Bay State’s guv
I guess we have to find some babes
Should be a labor of love

Let ‘em out at 5 o’clock, hey
So they can cook up for their men
Give ‘em baby-raisin’ leave, ‘cause
We don’t fund contraceptives...oh yeah…

We need some girls
We ne-eed…binders of girls

Do you remember when
We used to sing?
We’re all men, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha la te da
Just like that
We’re all men, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha la te da
La te da


Barack Obama:  "Wake Up, Barry" (October 10, 2012)
To the tune of the Rod Stewart's "Maggie May."


Wake up, Barry, I think I’ve got something to say to you
It’s mid-October and Romney just made you look like a fool
I hate to bring you the news, but you just might really lose
Obama you could have tried, a bit more
You and the Mitt-man reversed your roles, and you lost your lead in the polls
You mailed it in and that’s what really hurts

The morning joes got into your face with a brand new page
And that should worry you, man, ‘cause you could blow everything
You passed on Romney’s Big Hoax, you didn’t crack any good jokes
Obama you could have tried, a bit more
You and the Mitt-man reversed your roles, and you lost your lead in the polls
You mailed it in and that’s a pain Ax can do without

All we needed was a jab or two to hold the lead
But you turned into a zombie and
Mother what a zombie you just zoned out
All you did was wreck your cred
And let Dave Gergen kick you in the head
Obama you could have tried, a bit more
You and the Mitt-man reversed you roles, and you lost your lead in the polls
You mailed it in and couldn't have done much worse

I propose that you collect your wits and do some debate prep
And show a little fire, get that bounce back in your struttin’ step
Or find yourself a new debate coach… that knows how to encroach
Obama I wish you hadn’t lost first place
You made a first-class fool out of you
Made Mitt look like Abe Lincoln, too
But get on track, ‘cause you must win anyway

Barry I wish you’d never lost first place
You’ll get back on top, I know…one of these days….

Paul Ryan:  "You Can't Hide Those Ryan Lies" (September 5, 2012)
To the tune of the Eagles' "Lyin' Eyes"...
VP candidates, they find out early
How to slash and burn with a wide smile
A few mistruths and he won’t have to worry
He knows Politifact just ain’t in style

Prepping one night, his big old speech feels tired
His ideas don’t seem to have too much spice
Yet he knows he’s got to get the faithful wired
This just ain’t the time for feelin’ a bit too nice

So he pulls out of his head a few real tall ones
Thinkin’ they’ll get him out of his tired box
Maybe turn Tampa into a fiery cauldron
He’ll mislead his way to big time on mighty Fox

You can't hide those Ryan lies
And his smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide those Ryan lies

On the other side of town the press is waiting
The fact-checkers whipped into a frenzied zeal
They listen to all the crap that he’s creating
And they document what’s fake and make it real

He rips Medicare “cuts” he claims Obama’s planning
But he leaves out that he’d make the same “cuts” too
Says Obama failed on promises made in Janesville
But that plant was closed while under “W”

You can't hide those Ryan lies
And his smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide those Ryan lies

He’s on a roll, he gets to the debt ceiling
Says Obama should have embraced Simpson-Bowles
But he never says that in his backroom dealing
He’s the one who’s vote left it out in the cold

So he lays the credit downgrade on Obama
When it was the GOP that waged that fight
'Cause when we almost melted down on debt deal drama
Moody’s blamed the whole darn thing square on the right

Does he wonder how it quickly got this crazy
He thinks about the boy he was in school
When did he become so intellectually lazy?
If he tells more lies, he’ll look just like a fool

Sure enough he tells about a race he once ran
Says he ran that marathon in “under three”
But they looked it up, and wow that was a new scam
It was “over four,” for all the world to see

You can't hide those Ryan lies
And his smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide those Ryan lies
There ain't no way to hide those Ryan lies
Romney, you can't hide your Ryan lies


Mitt Romney:  "Help Me Ryan, Help Help Me Ryan" (August 29, 2012)
To the tune of the Beach Boys' "Help Me Rhonda"


Well since my polls were down
I was cranking data in my head
Thinkin’ ‘bout which Veep just might
Get me up and out ahead

Well, Ryan you look so fine (look so fine!)
You got a plan which makes the right all mine
You gotta help me Ryan
Help me give my race a jump start

Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, yeah, give my race a jump start

I thought about Christie
But he’s a giant spotlight hog (wa wa-ooo)
And Pawlenty and Portman
Have the wattage of a sleepin’ dog (wa wa-ooo)

Well, Ryan you caught my eye (caught my eye!)
And I can give you lotsa reasons why
You gotta help me Ryan
Help me give my race a jump start

Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan yeah, give my race a jump start

Well since you joined the show
Your face is showing up everywhere (wa wa-ooo)
But I guess I shoulda known
That all we’d talk about is Medicare (wa wa-ooo)

Oh Ryan we might get trounced (might get trounced!)
You ain’t been given me much of a bounce
You gotta help me Ryan
Help me give my race a jump start

Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan, help, help me Ryan
Help me Ryan yeah, give my race a jump start


Mitt Romney:  "Gaffe Gaffe, I Thought I'd Die (August 14, 2012)
To the tune of the Beau Brummels' “Laugh Laugh”


I hate to say it but I know it’s so
I can’t avoid myself
I need to show that I’m a common Joe, but
Often my odd words betray my…monstrous wealth

I talk about the Cadillacs we own
Car elevators built
The Nascar owners to whom I’m well known
All this illustrates I’m elite… to the hilt

Gaffe, gaffe, I thought I'd die
It seems so easy for me,
Gaffe, gaffe, I am the guy
Who talked his way to misery
Ungainly, I’m so ungainly

Don't think I don’t know what I’m doing when
I flip and then I flop
But when I toss off fancy dressage gems
I don’t seem to get that I’m a…dandy fop

Won't say I'm sorry for the things I said
I’ll just throw up my hands
Won’t say I ruined all my global cred
When I said the Brits can’t match my…Olympic plans


Gaffe, gaffe, I thought I'd die
It seems so easy for me,
Gaffe, gaffe, I am the guy
Who talked his way to misery
Ungainly, I’m so ungainly


I called Paul Ryan “our next President”
It made you cringe at me
After I speak you can’t tell what I meant
My circumlocution is a...mystery

My campaign handlers keep me on a leash
Manage just what I say
They try to keep the press out of my reach
But the wrong words still slip out, oh...once a day

Gaffe, gaffe, I thought I'd die
It seems so easy for me,
Gaffe, gaffe, I am the guy
Who talked his way to misery
Ungainly, I’m so ungainly


Mitt Romney:  "You Ran Bain, You Probably Ran it From the Olympics" (July 19, 2012)
To the tune of Carly Simon's "You're So Vain"

The tax breaks, from your Party...are made for those who might own a yacht
You think strategically about your point of view...conviction is not your lot
You've got both eyes on the end game and...you can't afford a blot...
And Portman dreams that he may be your partner,
May be your partner and...


You ran Bain...you probably ran it from the Olympics
You ran Bain (ran Bain!)...you probably ran it from the Olympics
Didn't you?  Didn't you?


Well you released one year of tax returns...you thought that was all they'd need
And you parked your net worth in some Cayman banks...to try to hide all your greed
Well you're right on message all the time...and when you're not, you look...
Defensive...or maybe quite like Gordon Gekko,
Like Gordon Gekko and....


You ran Bain...you probably ran it from the Olympics
You ran Bain (ran Bain!)...you probably ran it from the Olympics
Didn't you?  Didn't you?


Well I hear you frolicked in Winnipesaukee...and Ann's horse naturally won
Then you flew your Cessna out to the Hamptons...and gosh you sure raised a ton
But you gave away your self-respect...all for this artless run...
And Portman dreams that he may be your partner,
May be your partner and...

You ran Bain...you probably ran it from the Olympics
You ran Bain (ran Bain!)...you probably ran it from the Olympics
Didn't you?  Didn't you?



Mitt Romney: "(I Can't Win on) Immigration" (July 4, 2012)
To the tune of the Stones' "(I Can't get No) Satisfaction"...
I can't win on… immigration
I can't win on… immigration
So I bob, and I weave, but I can't make it leave
I can't win on…oh no no no

I'm talkin' at some town hall
And Obama comes on the radio
He's makin' an executive call
Gonna stop that deportation
I'm gettin' killed on immigration
I can't win on…oh no no no
They can't stay, that's what I say

I can't win on… immigration
I can't win on… immigration
So I bob, and I weave, but I can't make it leave
I can't win on…oh no no no
Well I'm watchin' NBC
And Chuck Todd comes on to tell me
How white my votes will be
But that won't be enough 'cause Latinos vote
For Democrats, not me
I can't get no, oh no no no
They can't stay, that's what I say

I can't win on… immigration
I can't win on… immigration
So I bob, and I weave, but I can't make it leave
I can't win on…oh no no no

When I'm in Latino states
And I want to say I'm pro-Dream Act
But I dissed it in those debates
And baby baby Obama's havin' a great week
And Roberts kept up his winning streak
I can't win on, oh no, no, no
They can't stay, that's what I say

I can't win on, I can't win on
I can't win on….immigration
Darn immigration, that immigration


"Well It's a Marvelous Law With a Mandate" (June 25, 2012)

To the tune of Van Morrison's "Moondance"

Well it's a marvelous law with a mandate
Covers all at no added expense
And right up to your 26th birth date
You've got coverage with your 'rents

And as for pre-existing conditions
They can't count on them to deny
And there's veto power on rate hikes
So our premiums don't go sky high

But now the Court's…got the power… to wipe out the whole law
And the far right's…on the warpath… for the so-called fatal flaw
Can we just keep that sweet mandate on the books, my judge?
Just give it some judicial restraint in your looks, my judge?

The irony of the opposition
Is that the mandate was born on the right
It was the Heritage Foundation
A right wing think tank that turned on that light

At the time they thought it was clever
A market-based private enterprise scheme
But back then how could they guess – no never
Obama'd steal it for his own big dream

But now the Court's…got the power… to wipe out the whole law
And the far right's…on the warpath… for the so-called fatal flaw
Can we just keep that sweet mandate on the books, my judge?
Just give it some judicial restraint in your looks, my judge?

Obama based his law on the Bay State's
Authored by Governor Mitt Romney
He made it the first item on his plate
With Scott Brown as vote number 60

But then the right wing couldn't abide that
And they took it straight to the courts
Got a district judge to reverse it
Made that the lead on all Fox reports

But now the Court's…got the power… to wipe out the whole law
And the far right's…on the warpath… for the so-called fatal flaw
Can we just keep that sweet mandate on the books, my judge?
Just give it some judicial restraint in your looks, my judge?

Well it's a marvelous law with a mandate
Covers all at no added expense
And right up to your 26th birth date
You've got coverage with your 'rents

Keep the mandate…on a split delight
Keep that health law…on a split delight
That la-la-la-la-law -- keep the mandate!
On a split delight…
Can WE-EE just KE-EEP that SWE-EET mandate as law………my judge!?


Michelle Bachmann:  "I Say a Little Prayer"

( to the tune of Dionne Warwick's "I Say a Little Prayer")

The moment I wake up
Or leave the debate for makeup
I say a little prayer for you


If you’re gay or a lez
I’ll change you when I am the Prez
I’ll say a little prayer for you


Forever, forever, we’ll live by free will!
And I will make sure
Forever, forever, there’s no Gardasil!
That’s how I'll govern
Together, together, I’ll end poverty!
By shipping those losers
To some other squalid country!


I campaign by bus, dear
Win the Iowa caucus , dear
I say a little prayer for you


Stick pins in Rick Perry
He looks a bit like John Kerry
I’ll say a little prayer for you


Forever, forever, I’ll say what I please
The facts won’t stop me
Forever, forever, I’ll speak Michelle-ese
I’ll use scare tactics
Together, together, I’ll get to DC

Herman Cain: "Hermanator"
To the tune of Jim Croce’s “Operator”

Hermanator…
Oh can you stay atop these polls?
You see the numbers on the spreadsheet are good but fading
She chats about her day…back at the good old N.R.A.
The things she says about you are quite degrading…

Isn't that the way they say it goes?
But let's forget all that,
And give me the message and you stay on it
So I can write this and tell 'em you’re fine and to show
You've overcome the blow, you've learned to spin it well
I only wish your words could just convince myself
that it just wasn't real…but that's not the way it feels

Hermanator
Oh could you help me with your plan?
'Cause I can't…get it to show any savings
There's something in the rhyme, you know they love that 9-9-9
They seem to think your rantings are not just ravings

Isn't that the way they say it goes?
But let's forget all that,
And give me the message and you stay on it
So I can write this and tell 'em you’re fine and to show
You've overcome the blow, you've learned to spin it well
I only wish your words could just convince myself
that it just wasn't real…but that's not the way it feels
No, no, no, no
That's not the way it feels


Hermanator
Can your campaign remain this strong?
You may not…manage to brush past this one
Thank you for your lines….your entertainment value’s fine
You can keep the nines……

Newt Gingrich:  "There's a Bad Newt on the Right"
To the tune of Credence Clearwater Revival's  “Bad Moon”

I see a bad Newt rising
Bombast and ego on the way
Debate style that’s pretty doggone fright’ning
Bash Mitt and poor John King all day

He may have three wives
But his campaign’s got nine lives
There's a bad Newt on the right

Can’t get the right wing all together
Bachmann, then Perry, Cain and Santorum
It’s been as varied as the weather
And no modicum of decorum

He may have three wives
But his campaign’s got nine lives
There's a bad Newt on the right

It looked all over last July now
Staff quit and he’s off on a cruise
Somehow he won in Carolina
That guy just doesn’t want to lose

He may have three wives
But his campaign’s got nine lives
There's a bad Newt on the right

He may have three wives
But his campaign’s got nine lives
There's a bad Newt on the right

Newt Gingrich:  "You're a Mean One, Mr. Gingrich"
To the tune of “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”

You’re a mean one, Mr. Gingrich
You really are a pill.
You were cheating with Callista,
While you tried to impeach Bill,
Mr. Gingrich!

You're a “historian”…
At a lobbyist’s billing rate!

You're a monster, Mr. Gingrich!
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your divisiveness is legend
Your ego out of control,
Mr. Gingrich!

I wouldn't vote for you
Even if you led by…39-and-a-half points in the polls!

You're a vile one, Mr. Gingrich!
You have no polite decorum.
You have all the grace and charm
Of a desperate Rick Santorum,
Mr. Gingrich!

Given the choice between the two of you,
I'd take….a desperate Rick Santorum!

You're a foul one, Mr. Gingrich!
You're an opportunist skunk!
You were censured as the Speaker,
Your final grade at that was “flunk,”
Mr. Gingrich!

The three words that best describe you
Are as follows, and I quote,
”Stink!  Stank!  Stunk!”

You're a rotter, Mr. Gingrich!
You're a media-bashing dope!
You sneer at your inquisitors,
You’re a total misanthrope,
Mr. Gingrich!

Your brain is an appalling dump-heap,
Overflowing with the most discordant
assortment of ludicrous ideas imaginable,
Hey, for one, let’s ignore the Supreme Court!

You nauseate me, Mr. Gingrich
You really are a curse
But you are still atop in Gallup
Can the other ones be worse?
Mr. Gingrich!

You're a warmed-over flip-flopping upside-down cake
With arsenic frosting!

Rick Santorum:  "Hit the Road, Rick"
To the tune of Ray Charles' "Hit the Road Jack"

(Hit the road Rick and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.)
(Hit the road Rick and don't you come back no more.)
What you say?
(Hit the road Rick and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.)
(Hit the road Rick and don't you come back no more.)

Mainstream Republicans, I’ll split this scene,
And baby I’ll be back in 2016.
But I guess since I have no dough (Oh!)
I have to pack my bags and go. (Oh yeah!)

(Hit the road Rick and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.)
(Hit the road Rick and don't you come back no more.)
What you say?
(Hit the road Rick and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.)
(Hit the road Rick and don't you come back no more.)

Establishment GOP, don't ya treat me this-a way
’Cause I’m “next in line” as you might say.
(Don't care if you are 'cause it's understood..
..we go back to the middle; this tea tastes no good.)
Well, we’ll see at the next show (Oh!)
It’s off to Iowa -- let’s go! (Oh yeah!)

(Hit the road Rick and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.)
(Hit the road Rick and don't you come back no more.)
What you say?
(Hit the road Rick and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.)
(Hit the road Rick and don't you come back no more.)

Well
(don't you come back no more.)
What you want – another Bush?
(don't you come back no more.)
Oh, now baby, not the fat guy from Jersey….
(don't you come back no more.)
The Indiana guy – the guy with one wife, twice?
(don't you come back no more.)
Watch out for Newt….
(don't you come back no more.)
Or that Palin lady…
(don’t you come back no more.}
Or the birther, or the pizza guy...
(don’t you come back no more.}
Uh uh now baby….
(don’t you come back no more}
You don’t want that…
{don’t you come back no more}

Mitt Romney:  "I Wanna Be Elected"
(to the tune of the Ramones “I Wanna Be Sedated”)

Twenty-twenty-twenty three weeks to go, I wanna be elected
Gotta win Florida and Ohio, I wanna be elected
Time to do a roadtrip, I just can’t make a goof
Someone go get Seamus, and strap him to the roof
I may not be so cuddly, but Obama is aloof
I’ve got to raise more dough

Twenty-twenty-twenty three weeks to go, I wanna be elected
I’m in a channeling Goldwater mode, I wanna be elected
Just get me to the airport, put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry, I’ve got to bash again
I can’t control my banter, the media’s a pain
It goes up on Huff Po

Twenty-twenty-twenty three weeks to go, I wanna be elected
Smashing Obama wherever I go, I wanna be elected
I can’t control the Birther, I think I don’t like gays
Hurry hurry hurry, just 160 days
Those Tea guys make me nervous, but they’re the latest craze
Let’s go go go go go!

Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be elected
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be elected
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be elected
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be elected

Mitt Romney:  "One Two Three"
To the tune of Len Barry's "One Two Three"

One two three,
Oh, that's how element'ry
It's gonna be
’Leven hundred and forty-four
It's easy (it's so easy)
Don’t need no spreadsheet (don’t need no spreadsheet!) or an MBA!

A-B-C (A-B-C)
Doing the delegate math
Was easy for me (easy for me)
Wish Rick would do it too,
It's easy (it's so easy)
Don’t need no spreadsheet (don’t need no spreadsheet!) or an MBA!

Baby, there's a simply set of hard facts
Basic'ly, it's as easy as dough
The hard part is winning without PAC’s
Without those PACs, babe, I’m a loser I know!

(One two three) (One two three)
It's easy (it's so easy)
Don’t need no spreadsheet (don’t need no spreadsheet!) or an MBA!

One and one are two (one and one are two!)
Newt knows the darn math too and oh,
Oh, he’s got a view (he’s got a view!)
He’ll try to fight it
'Cause he’s sleazy (he’s so sleazy!)
Wants to deny me (wants to deny me!), like a baby!

One two three,
Oh, that's how element'ry
It's gonna be
’Leven hundred and forty-four
It's easy (it's so easy)
Don’t need no spreadsheet (don’t need no spreadsheet!) or an MBA!

Ron Paul:  "If Ron Paul Becomes President"
To the tune of “Age of Aquarias”

He’s a loon, and he is in the House
His point of view aligns with Mars
He’ll get a couple hundred delegates
Then return back to the stars

This is what happens if Ron Paul becomes President!
Ron Paul becomes President!
The President!  The President!

Lots of new misunderstandings
Republicans feeling confounded
Legalizing marijuana
No more Patriot Act nirvana
Our troops home, repatriated
The Constitution liberated!
If Ron Paul’s Prez!  If Ron Paul’s Prez!

If that loon was really in the White House
His simple cures would cause great alarm
Good fits for the 18th century
Hopeless against our modern storms

This is what happens if Ron Paul becomes President!
Ron Paul becomes President!
The President!  The President!

Lots of new misunderstandings
Democrats feeling confounded
Cabinet departments closing
Trillions cut from federal spending
Isolation to the max
No more federal income tax…
If Ron Paul’s Prez!  If Ron Paul’s Prez!

Let the nut rant, Let the nut rant on
The nut rant on
Let the nut rant, Let the nut rant on
The nut rant on
Let the nut rant, Let the nut rant on
The nut rant on
Let the nut rant, Let the nut rant on
The nut rant on
Let the nut rant, Let the nut rant on
The nut rant on
Let the nut rant, Let the nut rant on
The nut rant on
Let the nut rant, Let the nut rant on
The nut rant on
Let the nut rant, Let the nut rant on
The nut rant on
Let the nut rant, Let the nut rant on
The nut rant on
Let the nut rant, Let the nut rant on
The nut rant on
Let the nut rant, Let the nut rant on
The nut rant on

"Rick Perry, Bachmann and John"
(To the tune of “Abraham, Martin and John”)

Has anybody here seen old Rick Perry?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
He brain froze on the DOE,
And it seems that was the norm…
Since then he’s hung around…for too long

Anybody here seen old Michelle Bachmann?
Can you tell me where she's gone?
She said the HPV vaccine
Caused retardation
Based on a sample of….one

Anybody here seen old John Huntsman?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
He was the conservative
The liberals seemed to love
I guess that’s why he’s…in this song

Didn't you wonder at the odd things they stood for?
Didn't they try to move to center stage?
But now they’re free
To contemplate…a run in 2016 ...

Anybody here seen old Rick Santorum?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up over the hill,
With Rick Perry, Bachmann and John.

Rick Perry:  "Bush Without the Brains"
To the tune of "The Patty Duke Show Theme Song"

Meet Bushie who failed most everywhere
From Iraq to the crash, a long nightmare
But Perry wants to be the Prez
And counter what Obama says
What a crazy pair!

They’re Texas guv’ners!
Identical guv’ners all the way!
One pair of matching bookends
Different as day and…day.

Where Bushie adores a bar-b-q
Long vacations, and Cheney too
Rick Perry likes to chat and dream
And talk about a Ponzi scheme
What a wild crew!

Still they’re guv’ners
Identical guv’ners and you’ll find
They walk alike, they talk alike
They pray and comb their hair alike
Rick’s an old refrain…
He’s Bushie….without the brains!!!!


Mitt Romney:  "Both Sides Now"
To the tune of Judy Collins' "Both Sides Now"

When I was governor you see, I saw a health care tragedy
So I got coverage for all…I saw my role that way
But now that care is blasphemy …it’s wrecking the economy
I’d be the party’s nominee…but health care’s in my way

I’ve seen mandates from both sides now
Right for my state, but still somehow
It’s wrong for all the USA
I hate health care for all…..today.

For women, yes it’s their body…they have a right of privacy
Their choice to make, yes that was me…I was pro-choice that day
But now it’s looking bad for me, that I once said those words, oh gee
I want to be the nominee….abortion’s in my way

I’ve looked at choice from both sides now
It seemed right then, but still somehow
On second thought it’s bad I say
I’m violently opposed….today

Cheers and fears and feeling proud, to say "I want it" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes, convention crowds, I’ve looked at life that way
But Bay State friends are acting strange…they shake their heads, they say
I've changed.
Beliefs are lost, delegates gained…from running every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It’s “win” that blinds me to my fate
I’ll change my mind…it’s not….too late…

Rick Santorum:  "He Will Follow Mitt"
To the tune of “I Will Follow Him”

He will follow Mitt, follow him where ever he may run
There isn't a caucus too small, a poll gap so big it can keep
Keep him away…

Santorum!  Santorum!  Santorum!
You really can’t ignore him…ignore him…ignore him!

He will follow Mitt, follow him to Minnesota
A state that Mitt won in oh-eight
But now Rick is changing his fate…

Rick must follow Mitt
Ever since he won Iowa we knew
That near Mitt Rick always must be
And nothing can stop him as he
Screws up Mitt’s destiny….

Santorum!  Santorum!  Santorum!
You really can’t ignore him…ignore him…ignore him!
He’ll always be a nuisance, a nuisance, a nuisance!
Right up to the convention, convention, convention!

He’ll dispense with Newt
Toss him in the nearest garbage bin
He’ll outflank Gingrich out on the right
And show his bark’s worse than his bite
And send him away!
Away from the prize!

Santorum!  Santorum!  Santorum!
He just won in Missouri, Missouri, Missouri
So what if it’s symbolic, symbolic, symbolic?
It sure has got Mitt worried, so worried, so worried

Wolf Blitzer’s in nirvana….
Suddenly the race is on again…
The people will watch after all
The race isn’t done, not at all
It’s too close to call!
It’s too close to call!

Now it’s nearing 10….
Colorado is now in play
So what if just 10 votes are in
Santorum has got nine of them!
Can he really sweep?
Should I go to sleep?

Santorum!  Santorum!  Santorum!
You really can’t ignore him…ignore him…ignore him!
Can he really win a trifecta?
As Palin would say…you betcha!
He’s got the Big Mo!
42 states to go!!!!

Rick Santorum:  "Who’s Left But Santorum?"
To the tune of  The Doors' “Riders on the Storm”

Who’s left but Santorum?
Who’s left but Santorum?
You nixed all the rest of‘em
Now you’re left with Rick Santorum
It’s a field where no one’s shone
Now your vote’s without a home
Who’s left but Santorum?

The Tea Party’s feeling cold
‘Cause Mitt’s ahead and they’re not sold
They want a stronger right wing forum
But all they’ve got is Rick Santorum
And if they give that man the nod
We’ll all see that he’s quite odd
For the opinions that he holds

When you get him on a roll
You’ll find he’s against birth control
And so it isn’t happenstance
His favored method’s abstinence
And as for sex between two gays
It’s like sex with dogs says
I think no sex at all’s his goal

Well it’s not your field of dreams
No, no it’s not your field of dreams
Maybe Rick’s not a perfect fit
But then it’s either him or Mitt
That’s your choice in primary drama
To pick the one to beat Obama
And pray it’s better than it seems

Yeah!

Who’s left but Santorum?
Who’s left but Santorum?
Who’s left but Santorum?
Who’s left but Santorum?

"Southern Man"
To the tune of Neil Young's "Southern Man"

Southern man, better keep your head
All those wins, but you’re still not ahead
Southern wins over Mitt the sap
May feel good but there’s that delegate gap
Southern man

Money streaming from Super PACs
Reckless charges and harsh attacks
But Rick Santorum he don’t look back
He keeps spewing his right wing track
How long? How long? Ah ah ah ah!

Southern man, better keep your head
All those wins, but you’re still not ahead
Southern wins over Mitt the sap
May feel good but there’s that delegate gap
Southern man

Campaign drones on, it can’t end too soon
Mitt can’t close it, we’re here ‘til June
Or maybe August – Rick, shoot for the moon
No one’s winning, Obama’s grinning
How long?  How long? Ah ah ah ah!!!!

"Super Tuesday"
To the tune of “Ruby Tuesday”

Used to be, by this time, it was done
But yesterday don’t matter, ‘cause no one’s won
No more delegate hauls
From primary winner-take-alls
And now we know…
No one gets Mo

Goodbye Super Tuesday
Not the closer we once knew
When its June and its still in play
Gonna miss the old you

We can lose, but win, I’ve heard Mitt say
Delegates will still trickle our way
Massachusetts’ gold
Virginia’s in the fold
But we can’t close…
No knockout blows

Goodbye Super Tuesday
Not the closer we once knew
When its June and its still in play
Gonna miss the old you

There’s no time to lose, I’ve heard Rick say
Win Ohio and Mitt will rue this day
Take Georgia and toot
That we’ve ejected Newt
Wind at our back
From Shelley’s PAC

Goodbye Super Tuesday
Not the closer we once knew
When its June and its still in play
Gonna miss the old you

"Sweet Home Alabama"
To the tune of Lynard Skynard's "Sweet Home Alabama"

Mitt’s views keep on turning
Ain’t no issue he can’t spin
Singing songs to please the Southland
He’ll do anything to win
(And I think it’s a sin)

Well, I heard Santorum’s views on women
Well, I know Rick wants to keep ‘em down
Well, I hope Rick Santorum will remember
They’re more than half of the hoedown

Sweet home Alabama
Where the stakes are huge
Sweet home Alabama
Lord, we’re coming down to you
(And Mississippi, too)

Now Rush Limbaugh raised a ruckus
For calling out that Sandra Fluke
For wanting birth control at Georgetown
Just like her girlfriends get at Duke

And nearby Texas has a guv’ner
Rejected federal funds, that’s cute
Now contraceptives do not bother me
Do they bother Rick and Newt?
Tell the truth…

Sweet home Alabama
Where the stakes are huge
Sweet home Alabama
Lord, we’re coming down to you
(And Mississippi, too)

Now Rick might win and slay the Gingrich
Oo-oo-oo
And show ol’ Mitt a thing or two
And while Mitt reminds us that he’s…so rich
He sure can PAC a punch on you
(Ain’t it true)

Sweet home Alabama
Where the stakes are huge
Sweet home Alabama
Lord, we’re coming down to you
(And Mississippi, too)


Campaign Summary to Date:  "The Frontrunner Keeps on A-Changin’ "
To the tune of Bob Dylan's "The Times They Are a-Changin’ "

Sit back, you Republicans, the haul will be long
For the forces that divide your party are strong
You nix your contenders with the sound of a gong
And the net that you cast is wide-rangin’…
And the quest for a savior continues along
For the frontrunner keeps on a-changin’

You first craved a quick nod for Mike Huckabee
But it turned out he more loved to yap on TV
Then up came The Donald, The Birther, The Bore
He, too, merely craved ratings…
And the quest for a savior continues along
For the frontrunner keeps on a-changin’

Out strode Michelle Bachmann, atop Iowa’s poll
But her grasp of the facts was a sight to behold
Up next was Rick Perry, he sure looked the role
But when he open’d his mouth, it was freight’ning…
And the quest for a savior continues along
For the frontrunner keeps on a-changin’

By now you’d endured a campaign full of pain
But who could have prepared you for one Herman Cain?
With his 9-9-9 plan that was truly insane
And the decade-long tryst that was shamin’…
And the quest for a savior continues along
For the frontrunner keeps on a-changin’

The campaign by now was a laugh and a hoot
Seemed just the right time for the rising of Newt
But he was sunk fast by Mitt’s Super PAC loot
And the baggage he carried was smotherin’…
And the quest for a savior continues along
For the frontrunner keeps on a-changin’

All this happened before even one vote was cast
And you thought the right might embrace Mitt Romney at last
But then Iowans grinned and said “um, not so fast”
By 34 votes in the countin’
And the quest for a savior continues along
For the frontrunner keeps on a-changin’

By now things were so strange and so far from the norm
That on top of the heep was Lil’ Ricky Santorum
Pushing pure family values, at the top of his form
The right far agenda he’s spoutin’
And the quest for a savior continues along
For the frontrunner keeps on a-changin’

That lasted as long as New Hampshire is wide
When mighty Mitt Romney finally changed the tide
Flip-floppin’ and smilin’ to present the ”right” side
For each issue he was rearrangin’
And the quest for a savior continues along
For the frontrunner keeps on a-changin’

It seemed that you got only one chance at most
If you reached the top once, and fell, you were toast
But came Carolina and Newt’s back with a boast
One more twist that’s confounding
And the quest for a savior continues along
For the frontrunner keeps on a-changin’

But the Mitt-man had one more trick up his sleeve
He said OK it's time for some negative sleeze
Newt had survived scandal, it was hard to believe
But the Cyborg’s new pounding seemed fatal
And the quest for a savior continues along
For the frontrunner keeps on a-changin’

In Florida Mitt managed to get back on track
With six sure-win states ahead, all back-to-back
But momentum is clearly not the old Mittster’s knack
The wheel was eerily spinning
And the quest for a savior continues along
For the frontrunner keeps on a-changin’

Colorado, Minnesota and a beauty in Missoura
It was shocking yet true, they all went for Santorum
A cruel turn in Mitt’s fate – a new foe to deform
Now he will crush the Pennsylvanian…
And the quest for a savior continues along
For the frontrunner keeps on a-changin’!!!!!

One man hasn’t won but he’s humming along
So I thought he deserved a mention in this song
Ron Paul’s on the left, on the right, on the wrong
Libertarianism abounding
And the quest for a savior continues along
For the frontrunner keeps on a-changin’!!!!!

So sit back Republicans, there is no clear way
From the Canyon to the Great Lakes to Super Tuesday
The voters will vote and the pundits will bray
And Sarah Palin may declare any day
And Jeb Bush and Christie and Daniels may pray…….
And the GOP will keep on searchin’

As the quest for a savior continues along
For the frontrunner keeps on a-changin’!!!!!

"Rick Santorum":  The Wait
To the tune of The Band's "The Weight"

Rick pulled into Madison, the polls said he was down ‘bout ten
And as for delegates, well the gap would be hard to mend
"Hey, mister, can you tell me, can I ever get ahead?"
The man grinned, and shook Rick’s hand, and "No!" was all he said.

Hit the road Santorum, you won’t be the nominee
Hit the road Santorum, (and) (and) and…you might just be Mitt’s VP

Rick took his v-neck, and went lookin' for someone to chide,
When he saw Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul walkin' side by side.
He said, "Hey, Newt and Ron, c’mon now, it’s time for you boys to step down."
Newt said, "I got to run, and m'friend thinks you’re a clown."

Hit the road Santorum, you won’t be the nominee
Hit the road Santorum, (and) (and) and…you might just be Mitt’s VP

Give up, Santorum, there's nuthin' much that you can say
Mitt’s got the numbers, let’s get on to Election Day.
Rick said "Republicans, don’t you trust that Mitt Romney."
But Jeb said "Do us a favor, son, woncha let old Mitt be the nominee?"

Hit the road Santorum, you won’t be the nominee
Hit the road Santorum, (and) (and) and…you might just be Mitt’s VP

We’re just in April, the damn thing’s got months to go.
Rick hopes Mitt’s gaffing will leave a crack in the window
Right on into Tampa, let the delegates loose to see
If they turn to Rick, Newt, Jeb or Mitch or Chris Christie!

Hit the road Santorum, you won’t be the nominee
Hit the road Santorum, (and) (and) and…you might just be Mitt’s VP

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